To keep in mind

Picture from www.everylittleshaadithing.tumblr.com

2. Expect Less. 

Before getting married I wanted to mentally prepare myself about a few things that I’ve learned from my elders and lectures. Having this kind of mind set has really helped me allot in my marriage so far and pray to Allah (swt) that He allows me to a righteous wife. 

1. No Ego ( especially with your spouse) 

Generally, we should aim to have a humble personality always with our elders and our young ones. This really allows us to be more merciful towards Allah’s creations. However, when it comes to your spouse, compressing your ego should be an conscious effort. Frequently remind yourself that, you are both in the SAME team. You have to have each others back. Don’t have this mindset that ‘Oh, I did this for him/her last time now its his/her turn’. This creates conflict in the wrong run and it will hurt you both individually.

Some people take this totally the wrong way ( including me). When I use to listen to lectures, elders or read articles about successful marriages, I always thought ‘expect less’ means expect the worst or expect marriage to be… well not that great.  And this is where many of us go in the marriage thinking ‘oh it wont be that great’ and automatically you becomes less motivated to make your marriage work. 

Before I got married, I really worked on this. Yes, in the beginning I had this ‘negative view’ on marriage. But I tried my best to change and I’m glad I did. 
You just do your part in serving your partner in any way you can. It doesn’t have to be big things, small acts of kindness can go a long way. Remember, no ego. You both are on the same team. You doing something for him/her will not make you any lower but rather it will put you on a high status in front of your spouse. 

Honestly, it really comes a long way. If you just do your part, you will be surprised how rewarding it can be. And when your spouse returns that favor it becomes even more special and it motivates you to do more for them. 

3. Do everything for the sake of Allah(swt)

Every act you do in marriage, do it for the sake of Allah(swt). Subhan’Allah that act has so much barakah and blessing in it. Often, we forget to include Allah(swt) in our every day tasks. Even the smallest act like doing chores for the sake of Allah(swt) has so much blessing in it. :) 

4. Be less judgmental

When you’re newly married, we may not know your spouse so well. For me, we did exchange texts and some phone calls but you don’t know the person fully unless you live with them. 

Its normal that we do get a bit judgmental when we are with someone new. So lets say you see them do something different or that you dislike. Don’t just make assumptions and make conclusions. At times we make certain conclusion like “ oh man, they do this! Great I’m stuck with this now”. Lol. Remember to relax first. You have to remain calm because if you react, situation can go way worst than it already is. 

Someone wise once told me. Time is key. Give things time. You can’t just change that habit of theirs overnight. You need to be careful because it may hurt their feelings or offend them. Be very smooth. Don’t confront the situation directly. Their habit can be anything and there can be different ways to confront the situation. However, the key thing to remember is nothing is permanent. Things change, people change. 

5. Stay Connected with Allah(swt) 

It is human nature that we cry for help in time of need. But when everything is going smoothly and you’re happy we tend to forget our Creator who made that possible. It can get difficult and that’s okay its normal. Just remember everything that is happening in your life is because of Allah(swt). Appreciate and be grateful to Him every second. Allahamdulilah. 

Full credits goes to the writer of this article.

Being dark-skinned

I found this story on Facebook. It's so on point in today's society. All credit goes to the author, Serupadi Raani.

This is a personal discrimination that I constantly face being born a dark-skinned Indian girl. I'm constantly pitted against my sister who is fair like milk. The thing is, I'm only proud that I have a beautiful sister. Telling me that " it's a shame that you're so dark and your sister is so pretty (due to being fair)" means nothing to me. It only shows how shallow af the other person is.

 I've lost count how many times on being told not to wear certain colours, or to settle with any karat machas that come my way because my skin colour means I'm not marriageable and not marketable in the marriage market and I can't be used as a liability to be married off to a good family.

 Never did once anyone ask me if I'm happy in my own skin. Never did they once ask nor do I plan to lower my standards and be with any shallow guy who is with me simply because of the hue of my skin. I'm my own woman. My skin colour does not dictate my life path set by me. No one has the right to interfere with my life. This a road that I walk : and I will carve my own path, set my own gravel and build my own bridges. I'm perfectly capable of making my own mark in life. Don't be afraid to confront, to call out others in their stupidity.

Never ever falter when someone uses the emotional blackmail of ' keep up this thimuru butthi' and ' no one will marry you'. You're not obliged to mould yourself for a man's gaze. You may consent to letting a man into your life, but if it's detrimental - kick the bloody bastard out without a second thought. Your happiness comes above everything else.

Mama

Salam everybody :)

When was the last time you called your mum? Hugged her? Kissed her? Complimented her?


Have you ever imagined your mum lying down, fast asleep for eternity on a silver bed they wash dead bodies upon ? 

You perform ablution on her and wash her hair, running your finger through her greyed and silver hair. Reminiscing how much she'd complain about getting old and those darn silver strands of hair just keep popping up. Was it due to stress? Because of her children? The troubles they put her through?

Remember how she would ask you if she looked good in what she was wearing? You think of the times in her youth where she just looked so resplendent. 

This would be the very last time you'd touch her

She can no longer wash herself even though she was the one who used to wash you, clothe you, feed you and stay up by your side all night worried about you. Regardless of your age, she still treated you the same. You were her world. She'd give up anything for that. 

You look at her for one last time, wishing she'd just open her eyes and smile at you.

Oh God, all those things we took her for granted.

I remember my dad telling me, even though I'd more attached to him, it's my mother who worries about me all the time, even till she falls asleep.

You remember the jokes you'd tell her to make her laugh, the stuff you did to please her so that she's satisfied with what you are, all the stories you shared when no one's around.

It's now time to shroud her body, for her face to be covered. That's when you'd beg for a final chance to see her, breathe in her scent, kiss her, absorb the final moments of your time with her before she is placed at her final resting place. 

There'd be people around who, some you barely know, telling you to be strong. There she goes, as they finally shroud her face and there goes the last you'd see of her.

There goes the most important woman of your life. The one who bore you, raised you and watched you grow. No more laughing, giggling, scolding, bickering with her. 

Of all the things she did for us, how often did we make her proud of us? How often have we hurt her?

Of the times we chose our boyfriend/ girlfriend over her.
We chose our friends over her
We chose to watch TV programs and being on the phone rather than helping her out.

She definitely deserved more from us.

That moment where you wish you could just hug her, tell her genuinely that you're sorry and how much you appreciate her.

Then again, it's too late.

If only we had thought of this sooner.

It scares me to my bone, the very thought of losing her just like that. Don't let it be a time of regret and remorse.